A Lesson on Fear, Taught by My Dog...

Aston and my Sunday ritual is to go on a big walk as soon as we get up in the morning. Aston is a dog who, if given the choice, would walk for hours and hours. She is an Australian Cattle dog and I guess I am her slow moving cow. Chris and I used to hike with her 9km and she wasn't even tired when we got home.

This morning was so gorgeous out, you can really tell spring is in the air. It felt so good to be outside without a coat and I could feel my body becoming lighter, shedding some of the winter blues. Aston was feeling the same energy, pouncing through long grass looking for furry woodland creatures, running ahead and just giving me that Aussie smile all Aussie cattle dogs give.

Aussie Cattle dog smile, in case you haven't seen it before! So cute!!

I took a break on a park bench to finish my coffee.  It was nice to see kids playing outside and enjoying the beautiful weather. Aston didn't feel the same all of a sudden. There was a father and son playing with one of those extra large remote control air planes. It looked cool to me but to Aston it must have looked like an mutant sized pigeon or something, who she had harassed in the past. It must be coming back to seek revenge on her former innocent playful chases.  She was utterly terrified. I
found her shrinking back under the park bench, under my feet, whimpering, staring at the sky in sheer terror.  There was nothing I could do to console her. I didn't want to get up an walk away, I wanted her to confront her fear but she just shrank back further and further under the park bench.  Eventually another dog and his owner came up to Aston and I.  The owner and I exchanged a few words and Aston and the other dog must have shared something too.  Aston came out from under the protection of the park bench to greet this other dog but it wasn't her usual  "Hi I'm Aston you wanna play?" kind of hello.  It was like a confused "aren't you scared of the huge electronic bird in the sky??"  I may be paraphrasing but this is how I saw the exchange go down. I always said if I could choose a super power it would be to know what dogs think...I mean how AWESOME would that be!!?!?!?! The other dog looked confused by Aston's fear, seeing as she had a good 40 pounds on this little white puff ball of a dog.

We got up and kept walking and what I noticed with Aston was her current behaviour. She looked exhausted.  Completely dragging tail behind her, no smiles and no interest in squirrels at all.  She looked defeated and like she wanted to just go home.  How could she be tired, we had only walked for 45 minutes? I realized she was tired after exerting so much energy on fear. Fear can drain you, demotivate you, bring you out of the present moment so that you can't enjoy the beauty that is present living life.  Continuing the walk, seeing her so tired, I couldn't help but relate this back to my yoga training.   I am so nervous about teaching yoga to people. I don't mean just guiding students through 60 minutes worth of postures, I am talking about guiding people through the true definition of yoga...mind, body and spirit connectivity.  I fear I won't be able to do it. This fear I am having is bringing up so many insecurities; demons I thought I conquered 10 years ago. I find myself so consumed with this fear that I don't have any energy left to write classes or get my music organised let alone go out and start looking for a studio who will hire me.  Fear is making me so tired that I can't even enjoy this amazing opportunity and life that I have spent the last six months living and breathing. Just like Aston's fears of the unknown in the sky, I fear the unknown of what will happen in my first yoga class.  How silly is that?

As Aston and I continued to walk I noticed the bounce coming back in her step and the smile returning.  Ah the beauty of dogs...the ability to live in present moment.  Aston wasn't going to let one moment of fear ruin the rest of her day! The fact that she was being taken on a 2 hour walk, her soul purpose of living I am sure, was going to be the best day ever.  The fear of the unknown in the sky wasn't going to hold her back. She survived, as we all survive most situations in which we fear the unknown.

I love it when I can learn life lessons from my dog.  I have been struggling with this for a while.  I keep thinking I wasted our money on this course and my time because I fear so much that I can't do this.  But really it's just the fear that is holding me back. I technically CAN do this, so get rid of the fear and just embrace the moment and wonderful things could happen.  Live my life not expecting good or bad things to happen, just live. Stop wasting my energy on fear and the what if's.  Concentrate on the passion, not the fear.  Fear can drain energy but passion can feed it.

Namaste xo