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| Love this studio at night with candles! |
So to carry on, I was at work on Thursday and I get a call from Clay Canada and its the other owner of the studio. I was curious as to why they were calling me. She mentioned their regular teacher was sick and they needed someone to sub. She wanted to know if I want to sub and teach a class that night!! The owner mentioned how wonderful a person I seemed to be and how I had a good heart to spread the word about her studio and really cared about the health of her business. She wanted to extended the favour and help me get some early experience in my teaching. She knew I was still in training but as the studio is still very new, the class sizes are very small. It would be OK for me to teach one or two people if they came. She could also tell I had a serious passion for yoga and knew I would do just fine.
I was completely stunned by the offer and YES I did hear her correctly. ME!? Teach my very first yoga class!?!?! Honestly my first reaction was no. I told her not to worry I would call around and find her a teacher. I called two of my favorite teachers to offer them the class. A small part of me was hoping they were not free to teach. I wanted to actually take this opportunity. Fear kept on telling me not to do it though. Neither of them could make it. I called Clay back to tell them I couldn't find someone to sub and what came out of my mouth was "I would teach it for them"...yes...it just came tumbling out!!! I was going to teach my first public class!
I made a commitment to them and now my nerves started to run rampant. I realized I didn't have a practice that would last an hour, I didn't have music, I didn't know how to describe the poses with out doing them myself, I didn't know if I could talk while performing the poses or was I going to get winded and just look like an out of shape wannabe yoga teacher. What on earth was I thinking?! I couldn't teach a class!! This was madness!
The universe dropped a huge opportunity in my lap, how could I refuse it? I wanted to cancel so bad, but how could I accept the universes gift and then say 'nah, I don't really want it now'. The owner of Clay extended a good will gesture to me because I was just being myself and showing compassion to her business. I made a commitment now, I HAD to do it. My awesome co-workers and Suzie both called and said I had to do it. I mean if not my first class now, when? This was guaranteed to be a small class. Would I rather my first time be in front of 2 people or 20? Yoga teachers are a dime a dozen, you usually have to beg to teach a class. If I had to ask for an opportunity to teach and I screwed it up how much worse would it be than a studio wanting my help. They were all right...I was going to do this. It really was a golden egg opportunity.
I am NOT an on the fly kinda gal. I am a serious planner and a "this has to be perfect" kind of person. I realized this was not going to be a perfect time in my life and I was going to have to settle for last minute planning. I dashed home and had an hour and a half to say hello to my husband (who I haven't seen in three weeks...thank you sweet Christopher for your understanding and complete support), make an hour practice and get some music loaded up on the iPod, then get to the studio early to tinker around with the lights and stereo system. Nerves and fear were crushing me at this point. There was just no way I could do this. Luckily I had already started to write out practices so that didn't take me as long as I thought it would. I had also started to download some music for yoga classes earlier in the week. Oddly, it seemed I was already preparing for this opportunity to show up.
I was ready to go with time to spare. I got one last supportive hug from Chris with a "you totally look like a yoga teacher right now" and I left the house. In the car was a constant mantra of you can do this. You will not fail, you will not let fear dictate anything, you were given this opportunity because your a good person and because your a good person you will follow through on your commitments. I didn't want to get out of the car. I hadn't been this nervous since grade seven. I won the 100meter dash at my school and then was to go off to compete in the regional track meet. I was so nervous that day and that race was to last a mere 45 seconds! And guess what? I came in last place that day :( That thought was not helpful so I pushed it out of my mind and pushed myself out of the car at the same time.
As soon I stepped into the studio I felt better. This place was truly stunning and I realized that now was the time to enjoy the moment. I felt lucky to have been chosen, for whatever reason, to be given this opportunity. I lit some candles and got my mat set up at the FRONT of the room. What a weird feeling! I set up my music on the stero system and was excited that I got to use my own music for the very time. I was confident in my music choices for sure. I wandered around the room, tinkering with the lights. I had my practice written up, great music, I knew how to use the stereo, dim the lights and I had the mood set.
What else could I possibly be afraid of? The answer to that was still clear...students. 6:45, 6:48, 6:52, 6:55. No one was showing up. I was settling into the fact that no one was going to come but I rememebered that my good friend Diane was going to come for moral support...to be a friendly face in class. So either way I was teaching someone tonight.
Unfortunately there is not a huge climactic end to this story. Ten people didn't show up and I didn't lead an incredible class and now am set for future teachings. It ended up just being Diane. I was so grateful to her for coming so I could at least test out my practice and music so I would be better prepared for the next opportunity. I totally messed up at least 5 times. I didn't talk loud enough to be heard over the heating system. I didn't have balance in poses I can normally hold for days. I tried to instruct the poses while not performing then but ended up having to run back to my mat to do them myself in order to articulate them. On the other hand, I didn't get winded, I did feel I could describe the poses well enough while doing them, my routine was challenging but calming, it filled an entire hour and I really started to enjoy myself halfway through the class. It felt real to be sharing something I love and believe in so much with other people. I felt like a teacher not because I could do the pose perfect or explain it perfect, I felt like a teacher because I truly believed in what I was teaching. That was the most important part.
She gave me some valuable tips from the students point of view. I will feel less nervous for the next time but I have a long way to go. Diane, an incredible friend she is, said I did a wonderful job and couldn't wait for her next class with me. Shes a pal.
I think the biggest thing I took from this is how much I have grown. I would normally have let fear dictate what I would do. Is that growth and maturity or is it my yoga that is helping me be a more confident person. Or both? I don't know but I am grateful for it. I am humbled by how far I have to come to be like my favorite and inspiring yoga teachers. While I am still in training and learning about the human form, muscles, ligaments and body alignment, I think I have been so lucky to also know what are the next steps to become an effective teacher. To be inspiring isn't something you will learn overnight but I am grateful because I was given the opportunity to start learning that lesson a lot earlier than most yoga teachers in training probably do.
Namaste xo.
Wonderful....P
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