Not Feeling Very "Yoga" Sometimes...

In the beginning of my journey to really understand the entirety of Yoga, I periodically struggled with some identity issues.  I had this image in my head that true yogi's should be calm, cheerful, happy, non judgemental, and blissful all the time. That was the true state of yoga that you had to achieve in order to teach or live a yogic life.   On the surface, it sure seemed like my favourite yoga teachers had it all together. They had the illusion of never getting angry or upset, they never passed judgement or had ill feelings towards themselves or others.  All my yoga teachers had this mystery glow, that seemed to emanate from within. I just couldn't figure out how they got it. I figured the more I practiced the postures and shut out negativity, that I would get the same glow. 

I struggled with this quite a bit.  I live for sarcasm and can be a bit cynical at times for the sake of

I Love Teaching!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tonight was my first official class that I got to teach! Back in October, I subbed a class where only my friend Diane showed up. Read here if you want to know how that experience went down.  While that was an extremely valuable experience, I was left with a longing for more.  I wanted students I didn't know...who I could get to know.  Who I could share a piece of my stranger with their stranger.

I had the ability to prepare this time. I knew I had a great class planned with all the right stuff.  I had practiced. I knew my timing was good.  I kept telling myself that it was all going to be great. Exactly what you should tell yourself when opening a brand new door to a new journey in your life.  Let me tell you; even with all the kind words I was telling myself and the INCREDIBLE support from my insanely amazing friends and family, I was still scared SHIT-LESS!

I can't even pinpoint what I was so afraid of.  Even looking back at the last incredible hour I just

Thought...

Contraction is a necessary prerequisite to Great Expansion. This can be applied to your yoga practice but also many other areas of your life as well...

Namste xo.

New Territory...

Monday is my favourite night for yoga! I think I am going to start going to Trish's 6:45 and 8:30 classes....double Trish Mondays!  I seem to not be able to make Wednesday's class so I think it’s best to start doubling up on Mondays when I am already for sure going!

 I hung out with Trish last night to chat and I asked her to show me how to do Side Crane Pose or Parsva Bakasana. 

I have always wanted to know how to do this pose.  I can manage regular Crane Pose but struggle with the side.  She showed me how and for the first time EVER I was able to get up! I held it for less than 1.5 seconds before crashing down but who cares right!?!? It's fun to experiment! Who cares if you fail or fall down, if you try you could succeed!   Even if you don't succeed, it is just fun to try and fail!

I am pretty excited! If I never tried, because of fear of failure, I would have never succeeded last night.  This is what I am excited about, not necessarily that I got into the pose. Trying is the real victory!!

Namaste xo.

Keep on Learning...

So I have one more weekend and then I am a certified Yoga teacher! I have loved this whole experience of learning. It has been so much fun to learn something new every week.

In the spirit of continually learning, I have decided to sign up for another training course to have the authority to teach yoga to seniors! I know firsthand, your quality of life can be improved by yoga asanas and who better to share that with, than seniors? To continue to have mobility through your joints, as you age, is a gift everyone deserves.

I will be studying chair yoga, arthritis relief, a little Tai Chi and gentle postures to support a healthy ageing body. I am so excited!!

There are so many little workshops I can do to expand my yoga career. I can't wait to keep learning about this beautiful way of life!

Namaste xo.

 

Connecting with a Friend...

What fun last Thursday's yoga training class was.  We got to bring a friend to class! The qualifications were that they had to have no yoga experience or were just starting on their yoga journey. Most of my friends, that would be free for the evening, are yogi's or have a good knowledge of yoga already. My  friend Wendy is just starting out on her yoga journey (which I am so proud of!!!) so I decided to pick her. Also, we haven't seen each other in ages so it was really great to see her again and reconnect!  It has almost been three years but it was like we picked up where we left off. I was a little nervous as it has been so long and it was like "Hey, hi, how are you? Good. Now let me stare at area's your body and physically touch you to manipulate you in awkward yoga poses"  It wasn't like that at all though, we just got back to our usual giggly, silly selves. You could say we had a hard time concentrating as we were having so much fun giggling with each other. All the wonderful

Observing: Part Two...

On Tuesday, I got to join Suzie at her community center class. I was really eager to watch Suzie teach. She is also an inspiration to me. As she used to dance, when she teaches Power Yoga classes, you feel like you are dancing! I can see her dance background in her classes. Her poses are SO well connected together you just feel like you are swaying through all these beautiful movements. I miss her classes but I can't afford two memberships right now.

Community center yoga is definitely a different scene than any studio or gym I have been too. The variety of students is great to watch as there are so many levels. I think it would be harder to teach as you have to gear your practice to be challenging to the experienced yogis and then make sure it’s not too advanced for the beginners that they feel left behind. Something Suzie did, which was great, was

Observing: Part One...

Tonight was such an awesome experience!! As part of my training we get to observe a teachers class of our choice. We just get to sit and watch how they teach and watch how the class reacts to her words. Tonight I chose Trish, my favourite teacher at Kula!  

I learned a few things tonight that really resonated with me as a future teacher. It's OK to make jokes with your class. Have a conversation with them. You can still be centered and

Touching your Toes...

I love this...just chew on it.

Namaste xo.

Anusara Yoga...

Anusara - [a-nu-sar-a] means "to be in the flow," "flowing with grace", "the soul in the flow with the Universe," "following your heart."

If you would like to read some more on Anusara click here.

Different styles of yoga have different philosophies. Each one has a different focus and a different

Acro Yoga...

Holy sexy Batman! Completely and utterly beautiful...

 

Ummmm...nothing else I can say...

Namaste xo.

What a Pain in the @$*#!...

Wrist...pain in the wrist...what did you think I meant :)

Wrist pain is something I have been asked to write about and am constantly being told by new and seasoned Yogi's that they experience on a regular basis. It's pretty hard to continue in yoga when your wrists hurt so much.  Also one of my readers, started yoga with her husband and I know he has Carpal Tunnel syndrome so it really prompted me to write this post before they continue on their yoga journey further.

I have been waiting to write about this until I was sure I knew the answer. I have felt like I knew the

Gifts...

One part of yoga that takes a lot of practice, at least for me, is meditation. Being quiet with the mind and just being in the current moment isn’t easy for me. In training, we practice meditation each time we get together. Each class we do a different kind of mediation. One was to notice the sounds around us while we meditate. We were to acknowledge them but not dwell on them. The goal was to not get upset because they were interrupting what was supposed to be a peaceful time. We should just say 'OH a sound' and that’s the end of the thought.

Another one was to acknowledge discomfort but not getting upset and obsessed with it. Take for example, an itchy nose. This is something I get ALL the time when I try to meditate. The more I

Love Hate...

Sorry it has been a bit since my last post. As my title suggests, I am having a love hate relationship with yoga right now. I am just really confused by the training and don’t really know where I stand in my practice right now. I know that the new way is going to be so much better but I am stuck by

Transformation...

I made it through the last day of training for the weekend. Brain is on overload! I can't seem to even walk now without analyzing my posture or alignment. It's kind of cool though because I am hyper aware of my body right now. We have talked about so many different muscles and joints and ligaments this weekend that I feel like I can isolate each one in my body moving separately even though I don't know all the names of them yet.

It was a bit of a weird day on Sunday. There were a few things that I was thinking about Saturday night or things that I said that were actually revealed in some way or another Sunday. I was writing another post last night that I haven't published yet. I will publish it soon. It is more something that I mentioned in the post though. I said I was HULKing my way through a pose as I found it so muscularly challenging. On Sunday my teacher was wearing an Incredible Hulk shirt?? Interesting...

Another thing on Saturday night, I was talking to Chris about some things in our relationship. Oddly enough, on Sunday, my teacher told us a story about his first date with his wife. He was saying how he had the exact same conversation with his wife, on their first date, which I had with Chris last night. I for sure didn’t tell my teacher about Chris and mine conversation either! The Hulk shirt was coincidental but this story about his conversation with his wife being so similar to my conversation with Chris was getting a little weird.

The other training teacher brought these cards into class Sunday. You reach in a bag and pull out a card with one word on it. You then go to a book and read the little blurb about the word. I guess they could be like a horoscope. I think she called them Angel Cards. The card I pulled on Sunday was Transformation. What I wrote about yesterday in my post, Sitting on the Edge, was basically about transformation and growth. NOW it was weird. I have never experienced a day like that before. It seems many things I was thinking about Saturday came up Sunday. I wonder what that means? I also wonder how often that happens and we are just not in the present moment enough to notice it.

In regards to transformation, I do feel like this is a transforming time in my life. For the past few years I got to a point where things felt really good, almost settled. I have spent the last few years being really comfortable, learning to accept who I am and be happy with it. If I look back I can see that things seemed really chaotic and crazy and then everything kind of fell into place. It felt really good and I really enjoyed the time I had to sit and just absorb it all in and enjoy it. Not that this is a bad thing but life has been starting to feel a little stagnant though. Almost stuck. It's still comfortable but I think I am ready to want more out of who I am at this moment. It’s been building slowly but I felt I was changing inside. I knew something would awaken it soon, and I knew I would look forward to it. I don’t want other people around me to have to change to accomidate me, I want to change. Maybe change is the wrong word. I think grow is a better word. It just seems time for some personal growth. 

I am starting to realize that life isn't just one journey, its many little journeys placed inside. Life ebbs and flows, wan and wanes. I can feel that right now is a time for me to transform and have another journey. I am kind of excited. I could never be in a part of the world where the seasons don’t change. Each season brings new discoveries. I love that feeling....why wouldn’t I want that change to happen inside me?

Sitting at the Edge...

So I originally said that my training weekend posts would be short but I just have to get some of this stuff off my chest! These weekends tend to be a bit of a mind blow that I come home and am completely frazzled.  Something that I loved and was so natural to me is now flipped completely upside down, inside out, round and round and back upside down again. It feels like it never goes back right side up again.

I have never thought about each pose with such depth and I just knew I was enjoying what I was doing.  Now, when I am being studied in a pose, I am being told to do too many things at once. I thought it felt good before but I am being told it can feel even better. I am also being told that although my pose isnt' wrong, it's just not optimal. It could lead to the pose causing me more harm then good if I try to expand to the full expression of the pose. It's like thinking you know something, then being told to go back to its original foundation as maybe your foundation was initially laid wrong. 

Now when I go to public classes I don't think I am actually doing my practice to my optimal or how I am being taught in my training. I get angry with myself but I am so fresh to learning about all these new areas of the bodies that I tend to get over whelmed in a public class and go back to my old tenancies. I go back to my good, comfortable familiar.  I know, in a forward fold, I should inner rotate thighs, hug shins, anterior tilt the pelvis, tuck the tail bone, micro bend the knees, keep spine long and elongated...but it just so fresh and so raw and so new, I  just fold. When I just fold, I now know I hyper extend my knees, I don't tuck my tail. I reach for the floor when maybe I should be reaching for a block instead. Before I didn't know this but now I do and I have to make a choice to choose the fullest potential of a pose or choose what's familiar.

Its really frustrating. I feel like I am sitting at the edge of a cliff.  I am not ready to jump off and go right into the future.  The past is so easy, comforting and mostly just familiar. The thing about sitting on the edge of a cliff though is that its uncomfortable. If you have gotten to the edge, you now know that either way you fall there is going to be an asset and a peril.  Go back to who you were before and not have to deal with the unfamiliar. In the same regard, you go back to the safety of the familiar and you never grow. If you jump off the cliff you are defiantly going to have to face new roadblocks and challenges. But if you jump, you may soar.

When it comes to the teacher training, the poses are one thing. Deep inside, I know that that is just going to take time to practice what I am learning so it becomes second nature. I will choose optimal because optimal will be my new familiar.  I also am beginning to understand that optimal is always changing.

What  I am really finding is how much this relates with my life outside of yoga. I am really embracing this training as an opportunity to see the pose as more than just the pose.  Yoga means to 'yoke' the body and the mind together.  I really want to find out who I am and who I am to become. Who will I allow myself to be? I don't want to stay in the past if I am being given these wonderful tools to fully embrace the most optimal person I can be. At the same time, do I have the energy to venture in the new and unfamiliar when things have been so comforting back here? Was there anything wrong with back here? Could there be more I can do and things I can unlock about myself if I can get past the discomfort of being uncomfortable? I think that answer may be in the next chapter...

Namaste xo.

MY First Time...

As I mentioned before, Groupon is an amazing way to try out new studios and different styles of yoga for cheap. There is a new studio in my neighborhood called Clay Canada. They were offering a Groupon last week so I bought it and I went last Wednesday. The studio is just so relaxing and gorgeous, it ended up being a great class.

Love this studio at night with candles!

I spoke to the owner of the studio before I left and just said how much I loved her studio. I hoped business would pick up for her and I would do my best to promote her studio because I feel like the atmosphere is the only one of its kind in Mississauga. I told her I would tell my fellow yoga teacher trainers she was running a promotion. She was interested that I was a yoga teacher in training and was really grateful for my support.

So to carry on, I was at work on Thursday and I get a call from Clay Canada and its the other owner of the studio. I was curious as to why they were calling me. She mentioned their regular teacher was sick and they needed someone to sub. She wanted to know if I want to sub and teach a class that night!! The owner mentioned how wonderful a person I seemed to be and how I had a good heart to spread the word about her studio and really cared about the health of her business. She wanted to extended the favour and help me get some early experience in my teaching. She knew I was still in training but as the studio is still very new, the class sizes are very small. It would be OK for me to teach one or two people if they came. She could also tell I had a serious passion for yoga and knew I would do just fine.

I was completely stunned by the offer and YES I did hear her correctly.  ME!? Teach my very first yoga class!?!?! Honestly my first reaction was no. I told her not to worry I would call around and find her a teacher. I called two of my favorite teachers to offer them the class. A small part of me was hoping they were not free to teach. I wanted to actually take this opportunity. Fear kept on telling me not to do it though. Neither of them could make it.  I called Clay back to tell them I couldn't find someone to sub and what came out of my mouth was  "I would teach it for them"...yes...it just came tumbling out!!! I was going to teach my first public class!
 
I made a commitment to them and now my nerves started to run rampant. I realized I didn't have a practice that would last an hour, I didn't have music, I didn't know how to describe the poses with out doing them myself, I didn't know if I could talk while performing the poses or was I going to get winded and just look like an out of shape wannabe yoga teacher. What on earth was I thinking?! I couldn't teach a class!! This was madness!

The universe dropped a huge opportunity in my lap, how could I refuse it? I wanted to cancel so bad, but how could I accept the universes gift and then say 'nah, I don't really want it now'. The owner of Clay extended a good will gesture to me because I was just being myself and showing compassion to her business.  I made a commitment now, I HAD to do it. My awesome co-workers and Suzie both called and said I had to do it.  I mean if not my first class now, when? This was guaranteed to be a small class. Would I rather my first time be in front of 2 people or 20? Yoga teachers are a dime a dozen, you usually have to beg to teach a class. If I had to ask for an opportunity to teach and I screwed it up how much worse would it be than a studio wanting my help.  They were all right...I was going to do this. It really was a golden egg opportunity.

I am NOT an on the fly kinda gal.  I am a serious planner and a "this has to be perfect" kind of person. I realized this was not going to be a perfect time in my life and I was going to have to settle for last minute planning. I dashed home and had an hour and a half to say hello to my husband (who I haven't seen in three weeks...thank you sweet Christopher for your understanding and complete support), make an hour practice and get some music loaded up on the iPod, then get to the studio early to tinker around with the lights and stereo system. Nerves and fear were crushing me at this point. There was just no way I could do this.  Luckily I had already started to write out practices so that didn't take me as long as I thought it would. I had also started to download some music for yoga classes earlier in the week.  Oddly, it seemed I was already preparing for this opportunity to show up.

I was ready to go with time to spare. I got one last supportive hug from Chris with a "you totally look like a yoga teacher right now" and I left the house. In the car was a constant mantra of you can do this. You will not fail, you will not let fear dictate anything, you were given this opportunity because your a good person and because your a good person  you will follow through on your commitments. I didn't want to get out of the car. I hadn't been this nervous since grade seven. I won the 100meter dash at my school and then was to go off to compete in the regional track meet. I was so nervous that day and that race was to last a mere 45 seconds!  And guess what?  I came in last place that day :(  That thought was not helpful so I pushed it out of my mind and pushed myself out of the car at the same time.

As soon I stepped into the studio I felt better. This place was truly stunning and I realized that now was the time to enjoy the moment. I felt lucky to have been chosen, for whatever reason, to be given this opportunity.  I lit some candles and got my mat set up at the FRONT of the room.  What a weird feeling! I set up my music on the stero system and was excited that I got to use my own music for the very time. I was confident in my music choices for sure. I wandered around the room, tinkering with the lights.  I had my practice written up, great music, I knew how to use the stereo, dim the lights and I had the mood set.

What else could I possibly be afraid of? The answer to that was still clear...students. 6:45, 6:48, 6:52, 6:55. No one was showing up.  I was settling into the fact that no one was going to come but I rememebered that my good friend Diane was going to come for moral support...to be a friendly face in class. So either way I was teaching someone tonight.

Unfortunately there is not a huge climactic end to this story.  Ten people didn't show up and I didn't lead an incredible class and now am set for future teachings. It ended up just being Diane. I was so grateful to her for coming so I could at least test out my practice and music so I would be better prepared for the next opportunity. I totally messed up at least 5 times. I didn't talk loud enough to be heard over the heating system. I didn't have balance in poses I can normally hold for days. I tried to instruct the poses while not performing then but ended up having to run back to my mat to do them myself in order to articulate them.  On the other hand, I didn't get winded, I did feel I could describe the poses well enough while doing them, my routine was challenging but calming, it filled an entire hour and I really started to enjoy myself halfway through the class. It felt real to be sharing something I love and believe in so much with other people. I felt like a teacher not because I could do the pose perfect or explain it perfect, I felt like a teacher because I truly believed in what I was teaching. That was the most important part.

She gave me some valuable tips from the students point of view. I will feel less nervous for the next time but I have a long way to go.  Diane, an incredible friend she is, said I did a wonderful job and couldn't wait for her next class with me. Shes a pal.

I think the biggest thing I took from this is how much I have grown. I would normally have let fear dictate what I would do.  Is that growth and maturity or is it my yoga that is helping me be a more confident person. Or both? I don't know but I am grateful for it. I am humbled by how far I have to come to be like my favorite and inspiring yoga teachers.  While I am still in training and learning about the human form, muscles, ligaments and body alignment, I think I have been so lucky to also know what are the next steps to become an effective teacher.  To be inspiring isn't something you will learn overnight but I am grateful because I was given the opportunity to start learning that lesson a lot earlier than most yoga teachers in training probably do.

Namaste xo.

Teach Your Dog to do Yoga...

If any of you know us, you know Aston, our dog, is like family to Chris and I. I think I spend more time with Aston than I do with my own husband. Sad thought...but she is good company!  I have loved dogs my whole life and Aston is my very first dog on my own without the help of my parents.  Man, Chris and I lucked out! Aston is a Border Collie/Aussie Cattle Dog mix. She was just a mutt that we bought off Kijiji one random weekend. Best purchase ever!

If you have met Aston you know she is the sweetest, most patient and accommodating dog EVER! (I am a little biased though) She is naturally well behaved. That is not saying we didn't train her like mad as a pup but she was easier to train that most dogs I know. She just aims to please!

One of the funkiest things I love about Aston is her desire to learn tricks!  She does the usual sit, stay, come but she does some fun ones too like speak, jump, dance, paws up, pick the right toy, shake a paw then the other, then the other, crawl and roll-over.  When she was a puppy, I realized how easy it was for her to learn these simple tricks, so I went out and bought a book of 101 dog tricks.  One of the only things she ever did bad was EAT the book of 101 dog tricks.  We came home to paper scraps everywhere!  I guess that's a 102 tricks she was planning on learning ;)

My favourite of all the ticks she does is Yoga!  As downward dog is a natural movement your dog makes every single day you can teach them to do it on your command!

Every time you dog gets up to stretch and does the usual Down Dog, say their name followed by a really loud and excited YOGA...as excited as you can muster!! Once they do the pose tell them they are good dog and give them lots of pets and maybe a treat. You may get some funny looks at first!!

So for the next two weeks make sure to exclaim how proud you are of your dog when they do Yoga. You can even incorporate a hand motion if you want. I keep my arms parallel to each other and point to the ground while saying YOGA!

The next step is to catch your dog, BEFORE they go into the stretch. Therefore, you can 'command' them to do Down Dog even before they were naturally going to do it. This makes them feel like you are telling them to so something. Do this for another week or so.

If all goes to plan and your dog responds well to praise you should be able to tell your dog to do Yoga on command!  They don't have to be stretching, they could just be standing waiting for their dinner.   
 

Aston....YOGA!!!

As far as tricks go this one is my favorite! I think she knows it and maybe I am a little overkill on it. She tends to do it once, then if I want her to do it again, she just gives me frustrated look before begrudgingly doing it again. Like I said, accommodating!

Namste xo.

Your First Time...

So I have heard that I have inspired a few of my readers to try yoga!! That makes me happier than you can imagine. So this post is for you and what to expect on your first time to the studio and what to expect in a class.

All studios are going to be different. If you are going to a yoga class at a gym, expect a more fitness based yoga. There will be less emphasis on spirituality, breath and mind work and more on strength, power, cardio and a good butt kicking. This isn’t always the case at all gyms but in my experience it has been. Sometimes that is exactly what I need. Some of these classes will be called Flow, Power or Vinyasa.

If you go to a yoga studio, I think you are going to have more variety to test out what suits you best. There

Downdog Overload...

This weekend is a yoga training weekend. We have one weekend out of each month that is a 4 day training schedule. We have a 3 hour class Thursday and Friday and then a 8 hour class Saturday as well as Sunday.  Normally it is only one class a week.

I am not going to lie, I am completely spent.  I will be looking forward to the end of the day on Sunday.  I don't mean that in a negative way though. I just need a moment to absorb all I have been learning. We have been discussing Downward Facing Dog for the last three days.  We haven't even got to the leg part yet.

What I discovered in the later half of class today, is that my downward dog doesn't have "Integrity". A little dis-concerning to say the least.  I was even volunteered to show the class how my pose didn't have integrity...awesome *sarcasm font* It is a pretty comfortable group of people so I didn't mind showing in the sake of knowledge.

Not having integrity in my pose means, that although the pose looks OK and I seem to be "sinking my heart to the floor" quite far, I am actually extending too far past the integral part of the pose. I am not sinking my heart, I am sinking my shoulders.  I have a lot of mobility in my shoulders and not enough stability which means I can set myself up for injury down the road by putting stress on my joints and ligaments.  NOT what I want to do at all! The same can be said about stability.  If you are too stable or rigid in a pose, you can find it difficult to find mobility in the pose. I will admit, I was a little confused.  From what I was hearing, I am to stack my shoulder blades on top of my back, squeeze them in and down, turn my biceps outward, forearms inward, slight micro bend in the elbows, hands and fingers splayed with the index fingers forward and the rest slightly outward, equal pressure through out my palm and wrists, soften the back of my heart and push up with my upper inner thighs.  ....   ....  ... ... WHAT!?!?!?!?

All joking aside, what I have really taken from this is that there is a balance between mobility and stability. There is a balance between pushing too far and not pushing yourself enough. I need to listen to my body as it will tell me if I am pushing too far, past my edge or limits. Now, if I think about it, downward dog has always hurt my shoulders a little.  I was pushing too far and losing my own personal integrity in the pose. I'm starting to think your body is the best messenger to tell you where you are at in your life and when you need to pull back or push harder.

Surprisingly I am not really frustrated by learning this information about my pose.  I want to learn yoga in ALL possible ways to avoid injury....it is my whole purpose for being there. I am not upset that I have discovered that what I am doing is incorrect, it's more that I am confused by how much there is to think about in order to fix it.

One thing my teacher said was:

"The best way to learn, is to take the familiar and make it unfamiliar so you can make it familiar all over again."

I am officially unfamiliar with downward dog now. lol. If it was perfect to start with though, then what would I have learnt while studying this pose? Nothing.  So I guess I am getting my money's worth! It also means I will be better equipped to help people keep their downward dog integrity. That's exciting to me!

Tomorrow is a new day! Hopefully I will be stacking, micro bending, outward and inward spiraling, stretching fingers forward and lifting areas of the thighs I didn't even know I had, tomorrow. But tonight I am taking a rest from my practice. Instead, I am following my dog, Aston, around the house. I will be watching to see how much integrity her Downward Facing Dog has.  I bet you any money her shoulder blades are stacked!!! Happy Saturday!

Aston when she was 10 weeks old! Cuuute!!

 Namaste xo.