Gifts...

One part of yoga that takes a lot of practice, at least for me, is meditation. Being quiet with the mind and just being in the current moment isn’t easy for me. In training, we practice meditation each time we get together. Each class we do a different kind of mediation. One was to notice the sounds around us while we meditate. We were to acknowledge them but not dwell on them. The goal was to not get upset because they were interrupting what was supposed to be a peaceful time. We should just say 'OH a sound' and that’s the end of the thought.

Another one was to acknowledge discomfort but not getting upset and obsessed with it. Take for example, an itchy nose. This is something I get ALL the time when I try to meditate. The more I think about my itchy nose the itchier it becomes! The purpose is to see if you can get the itch to go away by noticing you have an itchy nose. You have to accept that it is OK and the itch will eventually go away and be replaced by other sensations. Obviously the itchy nose was a metaphor for bigger things in life.

My favourite is the ones where we concentrate on our breath. That one seems to keep me in the moment the most and I don’t tend to space out or fill my head with bazillion thoughts. I can concentrate on my belly rising and falling or each individual rib moving up and down with the breath. I can feel the cooling and warming sensation on my nose while I breathe. I can feel breathing in good white light and breathing out dark negativity. I practice this one at home the most.

Besides the breathing meditation, I don’t think I am the best "meditator". I feel like nothing is happening inside my head. Once I realize nothing happens inside my head, I need to cram it with thoughts, lists and things I have to do. I also tend to question things too much. More often than not, my left brain and right brain get into some pretty intense arguments. I know I have a definite middle thinking brain. I ALWAYS battle with the emotional and logical sides of all situations.

When I try to empty my thoughts and just sit in the present moment, I tend to dwell on it even more. It’s like I acknowledge the thoughts that come rushing into my brain and when I try to set them aside the thoughts become more vigorous and vivid. My thoughts are like Jehovah's Witnesses or something! I just want to acknowledge they're on my front porch but they just keep pushing their thoughts and opinions on me more! The Jehovah's are a metaphor too :)

We initially started with five minutes but this week we graduated to ten minutes. We were to also choose our own meditation. Torture. Immediately, I couldn’t think of anything so instead of coming up with something new, I just went to my familiar breathing mediation. The one I am good at. Then I had a thought, in spirit of personal growth, that I really should try something new. I acknowledged I wouldn’t have an easy time with it and then just settled in for the ten minutes. I have a feeling that was my first roadblock broken down in meditation!

Something interesting started to come up though. Thoughts came up and I found myself noticing them, and then wrapping them up like little packages or gifts. Where the heck did THAT come from? I still decided to just sit with it. Thoughts, things I had to do, conversations I had with people, emotional negativity all kept rising to my consciousness and I just kept wrapping them up as a gift. I didn't use fancy wrapping paper; it was just wrapped up and set aside. Once they were wrapped up, I still knew they were near me but it was easier to move on from them. I moved onto acknowledging the next thought that would surface.

I am not really sure what the gift represented but I can take a guess. I think I always tended to not want to push away thoughts or things I had to do. I had thought about it right? It must be important. Specifically, if it’s something to be added to my list of things to do, I don't want to forget about it as I obviously need to do it. I found pushing them away wasn't working so it seems my brain chose to wrap them up like a gift. Thoughts are gifts right? I mean who would we be without thoughts or feelings? I think there are a time and a place for certain thoughts though. Dwelling on the thoughts is not really helpful unless you can do something about it. Well what could I really do about the fact that I forgot to run my dishwasher while sitting in yoga class? Nothing, so why think about it at that moment with such intensity?

Since that meditation, dealing with overwhelming thoughts have suddenly become a touch easier. I defiantly continue to have trouble wrapping up all thoughts that come to the surface in my meditation though. I still can find that my five minutes have come and gone and I have thought about nothing but flossing my teeth when I get home. I do feel like I had a breakthrough though. This concept is really new to me! I am a worrier of all and everything! Theoretically, saying hello to my thoughts and then just NOT thinking about them didn’t make sense to me. I had to keep them where I could see them. I think it’s my mind in training to be calmer inside by keeping my thoughts and worries close by but wrapped up and out of sight so they don’t agitate me as much. Does that make any sense to anyone else?

 

Namaste xo.